It's Been a While...

I realized this morning in the shower that it has been quite a while since I posted on my primary blog.

Why is that?

Well... it certainly wasn't that I didn't have anything to say. In fact, I had quite a bit to say. It's just that I wasn't saying much of it out loud. And it was hard to do that. So I just avoided it all together.

You see... the thing is: We're pregnant! Last week we released the information publicly as any modern-day couple would by posting the ultrasound picture on Facebook. It certainly was an easy way to get the word out and an exciting way to get lots of encouragement at once. In fact, even as an outside observer to other people's lives on Facebook, I love celebratory announcements. Pregnancies, engagements, promotions, weddings... if it's worth celebrating, I love when people are bold enough to put it out there and invite others to cheer alongside them.

Celebration is good.

At any rate, as of today I am 14 weeks, 5 days pregnant with our Little Person and I wanted to share with you a few of the things that pregnancy has taught me (so far... I have a long way to go and much more to learn). Some of these things I knew and pregnancy just made real, others I'm learning as I go.

Little Person at 9 weeks, 3 days old.
You can't tell from the picture, but he/she was a tiny dancer the day this was taken too.

Grace is Essential: When people find out that you're pregnant, they immediately get excited. When are you due, how are you feeling (with dirty looks or "you're so lucky") when you haven't gotten sick, are you finding out the gender... all sorts of typical questions. At that point in the conversation once the basics have been reported and excitement has been established, either the conversation continues in a normal fashion or some sort of borderline inappropriate behavior happens. Sometimes this takes the form of an unwelcomed stomach rub, uninvited pregnancy advice (that doesn't apply to your pregnancy), or an order about what you should or should not be doing.

Here's the thing - people do these things because they care. Responding in a face-ripping manner cuts their heart. If something that someone does in their care and excitement bothers me, then I need to have grace with them. I need to calmly explain why it bothers me, politely ask them not to do it again, and express my gratitude for their excitement.

Confession here is that this is totally against my sarcastic nature, but I recognize that and am working towards the graceful response rather than the snarky, cutting response. Pray for me.

Patience is Required: I want to meet my baby NOW. I want to feel his or her soft skin and fuzzy baby hair and yes - even change the first diaper. However, God has designed us so that the miracle of life takes up to 40 weeks to happen. This means that I do not get to meet my baby now - if I do, the baby is not in a good place and of course I do not want that to happen. And so, I must be patient. I wait patiently for the first kick, the next doctor's appointment, and that magical moment when I give birth to our Little Person sometime next spring. I rest in God's plan for pregnancy and know He designed it this way for a reason. Besides, if I can't be patient now - how am I ever going to manage parenting?

Husbands are Amazing: Not that I didn't already appreciate Steve, but there's something about having his wife pregnant that has transformed something in him. Maybe it's because I'm carrying our child, but he is really shining as a partner in the marriage since we found out we're pregnant. In listening to other wives talk about how their husbands were, I know that this is not a unique thing to just Steve. Husbands are wonderful; they are strength when we fall apart, they are a hand to squeeze when things hurt, and above all they want the absolute best for you and the child you are carrying. Steve has been to every doctor's appointment we've had (even relatively inconsequential ones), has jumped at opportunities to do every small thing related to baby, serves me at any opportunity, watches out to make sure I'm taking care of myself, and even took the initiative in getting us pregnancy books. He is my partner, lover, best friend, companion... he is amazing.

BFFs - Jamaica 2011

Reliance on God: Nothing in my life has taught me about the importance of relying on God the way that pregnancy has. I can fool myself in all sorts of areas that I can solely rely on me; financial success, reaching goals, and gaining knowledge and wisdom are just a few of the areas where I can make myself believe that I am completely in control. In those areas I can think that I earn my money (rather than God blessing me with resources), that I create my own destiny (rather than trusting in God's plan for my life), and that I can seek and gain wisdom & knowledge (with any guidance from the Holy Spirit) all by my onesies. However - only God can grow, develop, and perfect the little miracle that is growing inside of me right now. Are there things I can do to assist because the folks that God has gifted with medical knowledge have done the research and know the "right things" for pregnant ladies to do? Sure. But at the end of the day, Little Person is in the hands of God right now. He is knitting our Little Person as I type this (Psalm 139:13-16).

I know I have a long way to go before Little Person arrives and several milestones to hit, but I feel incredibly blessed with the lessons that I have already taken from this experience. Before we became pregnant, I was just excited to have our first child. But now that we are - I am excited at the experiences and growth that come along with being a parent, start to finish.